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Woo, you really need to work on your grammar. my love is gone and i feel he was a rat. This seems too... obvious for poetry. Too blunt. I'm sure ...

That is a really good poem. You might have accidently used bad capitalization or you might have done it on purpose. Otherwise, yeah, the flow is excellent, and the rhyming... ...

Hahaha, that's really cute! I don't suppose it really needs any critiquing, because it's not done by a member of this site. But, laughed and barfed don't rhyme.

It's a sweet poem, but it's a little random, you could flesh it out, and make it even sweeter

It's cute, but very... plain, like straightforward. Poetry is more interest when it's less simple, and really mkes you think. This sounds almost liike a cheesy pop song, I think ...

This is really beautiful. What really stood out for me was your line faster and faster, Idon'tcareIdon'tcareIdon'tcare, before you finally believed it. I don't know why, I just... really liked ...

The endings of the first 2 lines sound... a little off. I don't know why.

They blast any girl or boy that is not thin, preppy, or beautiful. I don't like this line. The rest is pretty good :D

This is a good poem, but also one of the WEIRDEST ever. I like the strangled by sunbeams line, and the moonbeam line too :D

I like the yoda-ish way of speaking that you use. But I had to re-read the last couple verses before I got them, might wanna rephrase a couple things so ...

I really like "The dim, cheap light" line. I think that's describing florescent light perfectly

I think that changing the "you's" to "Dani's" would change the story is a worse way, but you could add in the name a couple different places, like when the ...

If I knew the YWS people better, i'm sure this would be funny to me. Great job! In the end you said "Eight new reviews" instead of "Eight reviews by ...

Cool, not the best, I wake up another day Put on another face Tears gone today Try to keep on going Reasons ever going The rhyming sceme in these five ...

Eheheh, I meant you can't critque this in anyway you choose and you will never insult me... See, my feelings all died a while ago >.< I wrote this like ...